Anger isn’t always wrong. Sometimes it’s the right response to something that really is wrong: an injustice, a betrayal, someone you love being hurt. But anger is powerful, and what we do with it can heal a situation or make it much worse.
The Bible doesn’t tell you to pretend you’re not angry. It tells you how to carry anger without letting it carry you. The verses below are practical. They slow you down, point you toward wise words, and leave room for the hardest part, which is forgiveness.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
James, a leader of the early church in Jerusalem, wrote one of the most practical letters in the Bible. The order matters here: hear first, speak second, get angry last. Most of the words we regret come from reversing that order. Our anger, however justified it feels, rarely produces the good we’re hoping for.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
This proverb is easy to test. A gentle answer often lowers the temperature of a conversation, and harsh words almost always raise it. A soft answer isn’t weakness. It takes more strength to answer gently when you would rather fight back.
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.
Paul assumes you will sometimes be angry, and he doesn’t call that sin. The danger is letting anger settle in overnight, where it can harden into bitterness. Neither give place to the devil means don’t give him a foothold. Unresolved anger is one of the easiest openings he can find.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
Fret not appears three times in the first eight verses of this psalm. David is writing about watching people get away with wrong. His counsel is to let it go, because stewing over it leads you toward doing wrong yourself. God sees what you see, and he will deal with it.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Paul names the whole family of anger: bitterness, wrath, clamour (shouting), evil speaking and malice. Then he gives the replacement: kindness, tenderness and forgiveness. The reason comes at the end. We forgive because we have been forgiven. That doesn’t make it easy, but it makes it possible.
Lord, I’m angry, and you know why. I bring it to you instead of taking it out on someone else. Help me listen before I speak, and answer gently even when I want to fight. Don’t let this anger settle in and turn bitter. Show me what is right to do, and give me the strength to forgive, as you have forgiven me. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Before you respond to whoever or whatever made you angry, wait. Take a walk, or give it a night if you can. Write down what you want to say, then reread it next to James 1:19. If there’s someone you need to forgive, start by praying for them by name, even if the prayer is short.